Managing Friendships in Marriage

I had something on my heart to write but then I went live (for two seconds) and received a request to write about friendship & marriage.

“Can you perhaps do a blog on how to keep friendship with friends after getting married?”

This was a big focus for me, even before we got married. I never wanted to be the woman who put her man above everyone else. And it’s easy to do so and it’s not malicious to do so either. You get caught up because you’re in your own world, in love with your man, wanting to live in his skin— I GET IT.

And if you read my blog regularly you know I use the word intention often. So I can share my experience and some tips I use to make sure my actions match my priorities.

I am a big girlfriends kind of girl so I look forward to talking and spending time with my girlfriends. It may seem boring but it almost seems non-optional for me to literally schedule time to FT, zoom call, or meet up with my friends. I’m super particular about putting time on my calendar and not letting too much time pass
I asked my girlfriends after I was married, “do you feel I’ve changed or how has getting married shifted me in your eyes.” I remember asking this on my bachelorette trip actually. Not only did I want to know the answer, but I wanted to acknowledge that when you get married you DO change, it’s inevitable and I wanted them to know it happened and was open to hearing their thoughts and hearts. This is really important to me because you DO change. You are now in a covenant with your spouse, you’ve made a promise to prioritize him over others and that’s your person. Your spirit does shift, your life changes, and those are all good things. But don’t let it change so much that you forget about your community— and don’t make it an excuse or a crutch.
I over communicate. I’m the one who will write paragraphs to my girlfriends, tell them I love them a million times, and just make sure I’m affirming our relationship too. Letting them know “I’d like to make sure we talk more because our friendship is really important to me.” A check in ensures that you care “how have you been feeling about our relationship lately? Anything I can do more of? Less of?” Remember, they were used to having you all to themselves. It feels like they are losing that a little so it does not hurt to show them extra love.
I found a balance with talking about my man, not feeling the need to insert him into every conversation. Didn’t feel the need to add him to every topic— women do this often, honestly if I wasn’t hyper sensitive to it, I’d probably do it often too because it feels natural. But I realized as a friend that I don’t always want to hear about my friends man so why would she want to hear about mine all the time.
Being intentional about planning time for my friends to spend time with Cree, so they can get to grow their own relationship with him as well. They don’t have to be best friends but I do value effort between both parties as high level people in my life. For me that means inviting them over for dinners, hosting happy hours, and any events they can bond over.
Don’t invite your man to every damn thing!! Ladies leave yo man at home. He do not need to come to brunch!! BOOOO tomato tomato. Cree is not a non negotiable in my social life, I spend plenty of time without him and it’s what keeps my friendships secure.

I am blessed enough to have friends that aren’t envious or negative and only share happiness with me. I do think it comes from the continuous effort on both sides to stay connected, the extended grace, and overall lifetime of love we have for one another. It helps when your friends like your man 😉 but it helps even more when they don’t feel like they’re being forgotten.

Half the time I’m probably getting on Cree’s nerves with how much I spend time and talk with my friends. But to me, my ladies are my soulmates. I wouldn’t of made it this far without them and I never let them forget it.

Stop forgetting to communicate and love on your girls. There’s literally no excuse.

It all matters. Find the balance.

Next post I’ll talk about my husband’s friends and what THAT looked like for me as his wife.

All my love

JMoore