It took me a long time to get to where I am now. Someone would label me for how they saw fit and I would internalize and ponder on it so deeply that I would start to really believe that what they called me was truly who I was.
Growing up I was outgoing, always with a loud laugh, and opinionated spirit. People would assume I was mean or rude because I wasn’t the friendliest but I always knew I had a kind heart. Surrounded by my more social, more “approachable” siblings I started to believe that I needed to do more to rid myself of this external label.
When I got older, I would try to go out of my way to “make sure” people knew I was nice, or funny, or approachable. It seemed like I was working overtime to try and convince people who already made their mind up about me that I wasn’t the labels they threw on me.
I felt misunderstood and confused about who I needed to be. I grew up in the church, and we all know church folks are the first ones to gossip and throw dirt on someone’s name. I didn’t realize it until a few years ago, but I was so busy shrinking who I was.
Instead of being the person who would hang out and connect with others, I was the first one at the car, ready to go home. I would keep my mouth closed out of fear of having people think the wrong thing about me and never felt like I could really form relationships because I was too busy hiding myself.
All of this self confusion led to anger. And it wasn’t until the past few years that I was able to start ridding myself of the weight of others thoughts and labels on me.
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When I was a child, my mother would affirm us loudly when we were getting on her nerves. I laughed about it growing up, but the positive reinstallments caused me to never feel like there was something wrong with me. I could’ve been arguing with a sibling or getting in trouble at school and she would say “you are patient, and wise, and respectful.”
She wouldn’t bog me down like everyone around me was. She is the woman who taught me that there is so much power in the tongue. And how important it is to speak and think life into yourself.
She taught me that just because I lied, did not mean I was a liar.
Just because I did something unkind did not make me a mean person.
Just because I am assertive and crave order did not mean I was a control freak.
And to this day it takes so much effort to continue to affirm myself in a positive way.
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I am a lot, I know what I want and who I am, and it can be easy to think you need to change so people can have an easier time loving you.
But I will not shrink myself in order for others to accept me for everything that I am.
And how sweet it is to stop living a life second guessing myself. To stop crouching into the boxes that others create for me. & to stop thinking there’s something wrong with me.
And I want to encourage you to speak life into yourself, into your person, and into your spirit.
When everyone has so many [unwanted] opinions keep on reminding yourself of who you are to you, not to how you are to others.
Take the time to reflect, to pour into yourself, and to not allow others words to cause you to hide.
BE BIG. LIVE BOLD. You are all that you are on PURPOSE.
“I am no longer shrinking to be digestible, you can choke.”
With all my love,
Stay motivated. Stay organized. Stay inspired
Love,
J
Beautiful words. We all need to practice speaking positivity into ourselves and others. Thank you for the reminder.
Love mama’s affirmations! We need to share more of that with ourselves and children ❤️
Whew, this was for me! I find myself in new environments often and my latest move has also had me working hard to prove who I really am to people who honestly just don’t care to know. I think it comes even harder when you’re still trying to figure out who you are while freeing yourself or deflecting labels from others.
Thank you for writing 🙂