It’s been a busy couple of months, in life and in my head as well.
The transition into adulthood has been interesting. Started off strong and then financial responsibilities juggled with family duties kicked in and things got hard, really hard.
I traveled home, a lot for the past two months and it was taking a lot of energy out of me.
I got overwhelmed with my performance at work and even came to the understanding that I was allowing my stance of my 9-5 to validate me.
While in the same breathe, forgetting about my brand and everything I am passionate about.
I am only six months in and it’s felt like much longer. I am only trying to do better than I did yesterday, or frankly just get up again and keep on going.
My struggle with anxiety heightened in this past month. I can say it’s because I was looking for completion in everything except for myself.
I was searching for answers in places and people that didn’t even know what my questions were. Sounds deep right? But in all actuality I found myself kind of spiraling every week, my good friend, Saige can attest to that.
Summer hit rocky, I felt exhausted, overwhelmed, while simultaneously trying to show up for people, to be a good friend, to work through my internal issues that only seem to pop up in your 20’s when you’re just trying to find your footing.
I think I would like to call this growing pains, but it feels more like pain than growth. It’s like that in between where you finally decide if you’re really going to deal with your, “shit” this time.
I think I’m ready. I’ve been searching for a therapist in Boston. I’ve been having honest conversations with myself out loud. I’ve been talking it through, and declaring that I want more for myself.
I’ve been asking myself questions.
Who are you?
What have you forgotten about that you need to pick back up?
Why haven’t you started again?
What’s hindering you?
Are you being honest?
If you read my ever so inconsistent blog, you know I try my best to live an honest life.
In this next season:
I have to let people go
I have to not take myself so seriously while at the same time get my “shit” together.
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What is this “shit” I speak of, literally just every aspect of my life that I just want to kick into gear.
I have to stop trying to present the person I think people need from me, while at the same time living in my purpose.
I found myself gazing at the Instagrams of colleagues feeling inspired, but also partially envious because it screamed to me, “you fell off!!”
Only six months left in the year. I keep seeing this post that says, “ six months left, don’t let anyone waste your time”. Someone edited it on their Instagram to “six months left, don’t waste your time.”
I’m in the mood to get back on the horse, and ride till I can’t no more.
I’m funny right?
I know.
Stay motivated. Stay organized. Stay inspired.
Love,
J
