Regardless of how kind and giving I am. I am naturally selfish.
And that carried into my marriage and showed in a variety of ways.
Now, Cree happens to be the opposite. Very selfless. Always willing to drop what he needs to do if I ask him for something.
If you look at our background, you’d understand more.
I am the youngest of seven kids, lived a proportionately spoiled, suburban princess life. I never truly had to take care of anyone in the way of putting someone else’s needs before mine. I became independent by way of having my own car, leaving my home town for college, and moving to a random city post grad to start my career.
Cree was raised by a strong woman with a big sister and became an uncle at 11. Grew up in North Philly and met true responsibility at a young age. From childhood he has always been putting others before him, taking care and providing.
When we started, Cree communicated that he recognized and almost admired the way I could say no, the way I could prioritize what I needed to do for myself and stay focused on goals I had without wavering.
And I valued the way he prioritized me. The way that if I asked, he made it happen. He was available for me when I needed him and he never made me question what space I took up in his life.
It was good, it was what I needed— especially early in our relationship.
But Cree had to let me know what HE needed. He told me he felt he could ask me for something and it wouldn’t be thrown to the top of my list the way he did me. How I wasn’t available to him often because my mind was fully elsewhere.
So, there comes a time of balance. We needed to borrow from one another. Cree, learned to say what he needed and also to say “not right now,” and me, to be more considerate of how I was showing up for him.
He has taught me with so much love how to be a better partner for him. I think often people assume that once you’re in love, it’s lock step from there.
But every single day, I can’t make this up, it’s a lesson to be taught.
If I asked him for a favor I would follow with, “it doesn’t need to be right now,” or “let me know when you can make time for this,” or a simple “are you sure this aligns with plans you’ve already made?”
Because even as Cree learned to advocate for himself more. Since he’s a natural giver I also do my part to assist as he grows.
It’s important to:
- Identify what your partner needs
- Encourage them to do the work
- But also hold yourself accountable to make sure you’re supporting them
The two of us working through our selfish x selfless personalities did not happen over night.
We find ways to keep pushing each other.
I wouldn’t dream of any other way.
All my love
JMoore
11/30
