I sat with my therapist this morning and we continued the conversation around Cree and I continually learning how to work together and love each other more and more.
In the last year and a half of marriage we are figuring out how the pieces fit. Which means, ALOT of talking, heavy reflection, and you guessed it — more talking.
It’s easy to identify things that are going wrong, things you don’t like, or things you wish your partner did.
And I was doing all of the above for the past few [months]. And it seemed like our arguments and discussions were nonstop.
It wasn’t until the question of “well what are you grateful for?”
And boy was the list much longer than any complaints I could have.
If you’re not familiar with the 80/20 rule, it’s a lesson I was taught since I was younger.
If 80% of your relationship is great and full of amazing things, and 20% is a bit of stumbling, arguments, and challenges then do your best to always focus on the 80%.
Now I like it more 95%, 5% because I like things GREAT— but ya know, work in progress.
My therapist told me to finish this statement “We are both really invested, and I know this because…”
So here I go—
I know this because we are embracing what I call the “early arguments” in order to partner together to create a marriage that only we can define for one another.
I know this because we remove pride from our relationship so we can figure out how to address the problem together instead of trying to “be right.” Which I think is a huge reason people argue in general, fighting to prove their right and forgetting they are supposed to solve the problem TOGETHER.
I know this because we choose respect when speaking to each other, no matter if we are angry. I think recently we learned that it’s OK to yell sometimes too. We used to create a standard of no yelling when arguing and realized it was restricting us from fully letting our feelings out. Yelling does not a bad marriage make!!
I know this because before we go to bed and after we wake in the morning our eyes are met with love, patience, friendship, and eye boogies hehe.
I know this in the way we think of each other when making the very small decisions, “do you want a smoothie, I was going to make one?” “Do you mind putting lotion on my back,” “I can drive today since you usually do.”
I could go on and on, and I will when I journal.
But in all honestly, the journey of marriage is to be continually invested. In the love, the partnership, the friendship, and the connection.
Being so protective of my marriage and my baby I don’t find myself writing about it often. But much like the different areas of my life. I pray transparency can help you navigate your paths as well.
All my love
JMoore
8/30
