The past few months of my growth has felt like “overnight shipping.” (The kind before COVID, where it actually came the next day).
If you told me two years ago, that I would be engaged to be married I would’ve laughed in your face. Even last year, while in my relationship I was convinced that I needed more time. I was wrapped up in the fear of the future that I kept making up excuses for why I couldn’t do something.
And we all know the saying, “we make plans and God laughs.”
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Let me rewind a bit so no ones in the dark…
Toward the end of 2019 I was busting my butt at work and my now fiancé and I were still managing our calendars to fly to see each other every three weeks. Me, in Boston and him, in Philly.
We began talking about him possibly moving to Boston for us to be together at last, and I distinctly remember him saying to me, “I’m not moving to Boston to be your boyfriend. I’m moving their to be your husband.”
And that thought and idea terrified me.
We’ve never even lived in the same city, how could we get married?
So many emotions started running through my mind for the next few months. “I just started my career I don’t want to have to slow down for anyone…. I don’t want to move to Philly, I have so much more in life to see…. and so on and so on.”
I was projecting all my fears on this relationship that I knew would only help me to grow and excel. I was putting myself in a box. I was saying to myself “you’ll have to slow down if you become a wife.”
And the biggest thing I’ve learned in the last seven months, is that when God agrees with what you’re doing (essentially his plan all along) it will do nothing but win.
Fast forward to the weekend that quarantine was enforced, Cree happened to be in Boston and told me to just come back to Philly with him.
I believe God ordained every step we have taken to get to where we are now.
After I posted our engagement announcement, someone messaged me and said, “how did/do you allow yourself to be vulnerable with your fiancé when you may have had past hurts, and how did you know he was the one.”
If you keep up with my ever so inconsistent blog you know I’ve talked about my ups and (mostly downs) with men in the past. So when Cree came along, it was the exact time I was literally not looking.
As soon as you stop stressing over something, doors you did not even know you needed to walk through, will open.
From the start Cree and I knew we clicked, our foundation was based on friendship and due to long distance that’s really all it could be based on.
We played our games in the beginning. I remember asking him, “ would you mind if I talked to anyone else?” He said “no.”
Whew y’all, my feelings were hurt. But hey, two can play that game.
The following week, I took some pictures of my bosses flowers and put them on Instagram, as if they were mine petty.
And whew Chile, HIS feelings were hurt. He still brings it up to this day.
After the back in forth childish games, we said to each other, look…. “we have a really good thing going here and we can keep playing or we can give each other 100% and just be exactly who we are.”
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The most important part of the shift that came after that conversation is that Cree lead by example.
It’s important for a woman to understand that it’s never your place to beg a man to love, care, listen, and respect you.
It’s important for a woman to understand that
if a man likes you like he says, he won’t confuse you.
So since that conversation, Cree showed up being vulnerable, consistent, and most importantly respectful.
How did I know he was the one?
When I prayed about him. When I asked God. When he met my family. When I met his family. When I knew he loved me more than I loved him. When he was the first person I wanted to tell good and bad news to. When I knew I never wanted to let go.
Y’all know I don’t write long post. So I’ll wrap this up with promises to follow with more.
This has not been an easy journey, there will always be a challenge when you’re planning for forever with someone. I believe our relationship thrives because we have no pride toward one another. We stripped ourselves of any facades and share our hearts openly.
It’s important to release any past heart breaks in order to fully move into a healthy relationship. I was able to share my pain of failed loves with my partner and talk through that pain and let it go.
It’s important that you two create a safe space for one another. Because you can pretend for everyone else, but your partner should be the one person who you can show everything to.
That’s all for now.
Love y’all.
Stay organized. Stay motivated. Stay inspired
J
